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Most have heard about the psychology of manipulation in connection with the socio-psychological impact on people's behavior during the color revolutions. recent years. Before using methods of mass influence on people as a system technology, psychologists studied manipulation techniques at the individual level.

There are many books on the nature and technology of manipulation, on how to recognize a manipulator in a close environment and resist him. There are even trainings that teach methods of influencing the subconscious for successful business. Which is not entirely ethical, but in demand.

In fact, unconscious manipulation is part of communication and a natural ability of every person. It becomes a problem if it is practiced consciously to obtain a specific planned result. Because it's violence. Only psychological.

What is manipulation?

Before moving into the field of psychology, the term "manipulation" was used in socialist political science from the 60s. in relation to the "imperialist" media. Previously, in political and domestic moments, it was known as "intrigue".

A similar concept of manipulation - stratagem, existed in ancient Greece and Rome, as a military trick. And 3 thousand years ago in China it was used not only in military affairs, but also in interpersonal communication. It is a description of special patterns of behavior that take into account psychology, environment and calculation in order to achieve a special hidden goal. At the same time, their use to achieve "low" victories was condemned.

In 1939, a treatise "On 36 Stratagems" was found in the Chinese province of Shanxi. In the book Der Listige Jesus, a Protestant priest from Switzerland, U. Mauch describes how Jesus used the same stratagems during his life.

What is manipulation in psychology was well described in his work by E. Dotsenko, and, from the point of view of sociology, by S. G. Kara-Murza. Noteworthy are the works of H. Breaker and D. Simon, the book of N. Gegen.

If we reduce all the definitions, then manipulation is an implicit control of methods of indirect influence on inner world a person, using him as a passive object for the sake of dominance, exploitation or to achieve other goals unknown to the “victim”.

But in a consumer society, the speed of career advancement is put above all else. And even if other people are used for this, then with such public morality - “they themselves are to blame” that they cannot do the same. Manipulators are often effective managers and "psychological abuse" in some trainings is already presented as the result of evolution. Of course, such an individualistic attitude is not only controversial, but also destructive for humanity as a whole. Nevertheless, there is such a definition: manipulation is the structuring of the world and the spiritual state of others, which always allows you to win.

How to recognize a manipulator?

Acquaintance with begins with childhood. Interpersonal relationships contain elements of such management. Individual weaknesses of loved ones are used: fears, complexes, inadequate self-esteem, naivety, guilt and other pain points. But this is not blackmail, but a veiled influence on the sphere of emotions.

Manipulators are those who were prevented by some traumatic experience in childhood from finding unity with the world or people. There are born "managers" who directly feel the psychological weaknesses of their neighbors and skillfully play on them.

Hungarian psychologists from the University of Pécs have shown that such people's brain activity increased when they saw that the partner in the experiment played fair. Whereas for the rest, such a surge occurs in the opposite case. Scientists have concluded that the manipulator, having met decency, immediately calculates what benefits can be derived from it.

How to recognize a manipulator? Managers of someone else's subconscious often have the personality traits of the "dark triad":

Machiavellianism - cynicism and unscrupulousness in achieving goals, ignoring morality.
Psychopathy - ruthlessness, inability to sympathize and empathize, shamelessness.
Narcissism - narcissism, inability to empathize.

What unites them: manipulative style of communication, selfishness, courage, emotional coldness. Dominance, a sense of superiority, ambition, perseverance. Oddly enough, but the owners of such traits are sexually attractive to women. What they also use, using their charm and acting skills to arouse sympathy.

The first communication may not bode well. But if, during subsequent meetings, discomfort, anxiety, or recurring negative emotions are felt, this is evidence of “psychological abuse”.

It is worth listening to intuition when the behavior and mood of the interlocutor does not correspond to the words: he crosses his arms over his chest, holds them near his mouth, crosses his legs. Sometimes it happens that a person is very much liked by an extremely intelligent, friendly behavior - this is also a reason to think. Especially if he shows an increased interest:

To any facts of your life. Interested in family, work, hobbies, views of the future, facts from the past, especially negative ones.
To the features of the worldview. What ideals, personal values, attitudes are cultivated. This is where philosophical themes come into play.

Should be alert:

Sheer flattery. More often used for narcissistic people who easily take it at face value.
Imposing yourself, your services and help.
Showing love and respect. Favors and gifts. It captivates and draws gratitude in the web.
Repetitions of phrases, words are pronounced in a different order, sometimes they are replaced with similar meanings, but the meaning remains the same so that the idea penetrates into the subconscious.
Use of complex words, technical terms to divert attention, reduce non-verbal control.
Mosaic conversation: starts with one, jumping from topic to topic, ends with another.
Haste in the conversation itself and artificial time trouble for actions, so that in the confusion it was impossible to think about what was happening. At the same time, it is possible to dramatize the consequences and escalate anxiety.
Stretched jokes and artificial humor.
"Reflection". When the interlocutor copies the posture, gestures, manners, in order to "be on the same wavelength."
Interruption and change of topic by the interlocutor.
Answers with questions.
Emotional stability. Quick response to objections.
Unusual behavior that changes too abruptly.
An unpleasant aftertaste after communication, although there were no obvious prerequisites.
On the contrary, an inexplicable charm.

Psychological aggressors grope for deep experiences consciously. And they give verbal or non-verbal signs that the objects of manipulative actions themselves insert into the existing context (they explain to themselves), changing reality in accordance with the desires of the manipulators, without realizing it. But if you are warned, you can fight back.

Basic psychological techniques of manipulation

Manipulations are divided into conscious (often in business communication) and unconscious (in interpersonal). "Puppeteers" use both active methods of manipulation and passive ones.

The main methods of manipulation in everyday communication are based on feelings and psychological weaknesses:

False love. In order not to lose a good attitude towards himself, a person follows the lead of a “puppeteer”, who accepts only those personality traits that are beneficial to him personally.
Lies and deceit, denial and excuses.
A caring attitude that was not asked for in exchange for…
Superficial sympathy that turns out to be "crocodile tears."
Cultivating a sense of guilt makes the addressee fulfill the wishes of the "actor".
Depreciation. Self-affirmation at the expense of the insecurity of another. And for this they beat on self-esteem.
- a favorite sin not only for the hero Al Pacino, but also for successful manipulators. “After all, you are so wonderful, can you do a few more things?” The reward method also works on the proud.
Arouse pity or sympathy is an easy way to ingratiate yourself. To take over afterwards.

Seduction with blessings, relationships, gifts, confessions, or “what do you want, my lord”? And then veiled threats to take it away.
Anger, irritation, inappropriate to the situation. They force vulnerable and sensitive people to make a deal.
Demonstrative insult. Which abruptly passes when you get what you want. This is what separates it from sincerity.
Suggestion. Some give in easily, but all are vulnerable to fatigue.
Ignoring. Feelings, words, desires of the opponent.
Irony, sarcasm, to shame the interlocutor.
Minimization and rationalization, as well as feigning innocence. An explanation that is not so terribly inappropriate behavior compared to the "world revolution" or a complete justification. Sometimes with indignation and mock surprise.
Projecting guilt (collective, for example) on a specific person, condemning him, instilling false guilt.
Simulating stupidity. When they pretend they don't understand what they are talking about.

Everyone is familiar with the basic psychological techniques of manipulation. Some are normal and are used in education, although they are no better than motivation and sincere dialogue. Sometimes they are needed and interesting in a relationship. But one-sided cruel manipulation is unfair and ugly.

Who becomes victims of manipulators?

Vulnerable to manipulators are people with increased responsibility, naivety and gullibility. Also lonely and elderly. The following weaknesses and advantages are exploited:

Low self-esteem.
Fear of emotions, especially negative ones.
Passion for pleasure.
Narcissism.
Greed
Lack of consciousness and over-consciousness.
impressionability and sensitivity.
Altruism.
Masochism.
Impulsiveness.

Thus, it is clear what personality traits should be worked out in order not to become victims of manipulators.

How to resist manipulation?

To see the manipulator, you should be careful and not rush to make decisions. If the “violator of the boundaries” is identified, then the following methods will help resist manipulation:

Find out the goals of the aggressor.
Hide your emotions, do not show your vulnerabilities.
Be yourself.
Do not react to provocations, do not give the opportunity to impose destructive feelings on you.
Don't make excuses.
Ask direct clarifying questions.
Master conscious "surface" communication so you don't get into existential communication. That is, do not try on other people's emotions to your coordinate system.
Calculate what kind of reaction is expected from you. Don't show it.
Find out the reasons for your action by asking: “Why am I doing this?”.
Know how.
Don't be afraid to say you've changed your mind, made a mistake, or don't want to continue the conversation.
Leave if you don't like the conversation.
Declare that you know the purpose of the manipulator. When exposed, the games of the “puppeteer” lose their meaning. But they won't admit to the accusations, at best they'll change the subject. At worst, they will begin to put pressure on feelings so that you feel wrong.

Don't be afraid of what others think of you. The best defense against manipulators is to develop assertiveness in yourself in order to be an independent, self-sufficient person and live in emotional balance.

Mental manipulation specialists (psychotherapists, hypnologists, criminal hypnotists, scammers, government officials, etc.) use many different technologies that allow them to control people. It is necessary to know such methods, incl. and in order to counter such manipulations.

The life of any person is multifaceted by the life experience that this person has, by the level of education, by the level of upbringing, by the genetic component, by many other factors that must be taken into account when psychologically influencing a person. Knowledge is power. It is the knowledge about the mechanisms of manipulating the human psyche that allows you to resist illegal intrusions into the psyche (into the human subconscious), and therefore protect yourself in this way.

Ways to manipulate mental consciousness

Manipulation is achieved due to the fact that the manipulator chooses an initially ironic tone, as if unconsciously questioning any words of the object of manipulation. In this case, the object of manipulation "loses its temper" much faster; and since critical thinking is difficult during anger, a person enters ASC (altered states of consciousness), in which consciousness easily passes through itself the early forbidden information.

For effective protection, you should show your complete indifference to the manipulator. Feeling like a super-human, "chosen one", will help to treat the attempt to manipulate you with indulgence - as child's play. The manipulator will immediately feel such a state intuitively, because the manipulators usually have well-developed sense organs, which, we note, allows them to feel the moment to carry out their manipulative techniques.

1. False questioning, or deceptive clarifications.

In this case, the manipulative effect is achieved due to the fact that the manipulator pretends that he wants to better understand something for himself, asks you again, but repeats your words only at the beginning and then only partially, introducing a different meaning into the meaning of what you said earlier, thereby changing the general meaning of what was said to please himself.

In this case, you should be extremely careful, always listen to what they are talking about, and noticing a catch, clarify what you said earlier; moreover, to clarify even if the manipulator, pretending not to notice your desire for clarification, tries to move on to another topic.

2. Deliberate haste, or jumping topics.

In this case, the manipulator seeks, after voicing any information, to quickly move on to another topic, realizing that your attention will immediately be reoriented to new information, which means that the probability increases that the previous information that was not "protested" will reach the listener's subconscious; if information reaches the subconscious, then it is known that after any information is in the unconscious (subconscious), after a while it is realized by a person, i.e. goes into consciousness. Moreover, if the manipulator additionally strengthened his information with an emotional load, or even entered it into the subconscious by the method of coding, then such information will appear at the right moment for the manipulator, which he himself will provoke (for example, using the principle of "anchoring" from NLP, or, in other words, by activating the code).

In addition, as a result of haste and jumping topics, it becomes possible to "voice" a large number of topics in a relatively short period of time; which means that the censorship of the psyche will not have time to let everything through itself, and the likelihood increases that a certain part of the information will penetrate into the subconscious, and from there it will influence the consciousness of the object of manipulation in a way that is beneficial to the manipulator.

3. The desire to show their indifference, or pseudo-inattention.

In this case, the manipulator tries to perceive both the interlocutor and the information received as indifferently as possible, thereby unconsciously forcing the person to try at all costs to convince the manipulator of his importance to him. Thus, the manipulator can only manage the information coming from the object of his manipulations, receiving those facts that the object was not going to spread before. A similar circumstance on the part of the person who is being manipulated is inherent in the laws of the psyche, forcing any person to strive at all costs to prove his case by convincing the manipulator (not suspecting that this is a manipulator), and using the available arsenal of logical controllability of thoughts for this - that is, the presentation of new circumstances of the case, facts that, in his opinion, can help him in this. What turns out to be in the hands of the manipulator, who finds out the information he needs.

As a countermeasure in this case, it is recommended to strengthen your own volitional control and not succumb to provocations.

4. False inferiority, or imaginary weakness.

This principle of manipulation is aimed at the desire on the part of the manipulator to show his weakness to the object of manipulation, and thereby achieve the desired, because if someone is weaker, the effect of condescension turns on, which means that the censorship of the human psyche begins to function in a relaxed mode, as if not perceiving what comes from manipulator information seriously. Thus, the information coming from the manipulator passes immediately to the subconscious, is deposited there in the form of attitudes and patterns of behavior, which means that the manipulator achieves his goal, because the object of manipulation, without suspecting it, after a while will begin to fulfill the installations embedded in the subconscious, or, in other words, to perform secret will of the manipulator.

The main way of confrontation is the complete control of information coming from any person, i.e. everyone is an adversary and should be taken seriously.

5. False love, or lulling vigilance.

Due to the fact that one individual (manipulator) plays in front of another (object of manipulation) love, excessive respect, reverence, etc. (i.e. expresses his feelings in a similar way), he achieves incomparably more than if he openly asked for something.

In order not to succumb to such provocations, one should have, as F.E. Dzerzhinsky once said, “a cold mind.”

6. Furious pressure, or exorbitant anger.

Manipulation in this case becomes possible as a result of unmotivated rage on the part of the manipulator. A person who is targeted by this kind of manipulation will have a desire to calm the one who is angry with him. Why is he subconsciously ready to make concessions to the manipulator.

Methods of counteraction may be different, depending on the skills of the object of manipulation. For example, as a result of “adjustment” (the so-called calibration in NLP), you can first stage a state of mind similar to that of the manipulator, and then calm down, calm the manipulator as well. Or, for example, you can show your calmness and absolute indifference to the anger of the manipulator, thereby confusing him, and therefore depriving him of his manipulative advantage.

You can sharply increase the pace of your own aggressiveness by speech techniques simultaneously with a light touch of the manipulator (his hand, shoulder, arm ...), and additional visual impact, i.e. in this case, we seize the initiative, and by simultaneously influencing the manipulator with the help of visual, auditory and kinesthetic stimuli, we introduce him into a state of trance, and hence dependence on you, because in this state the manipulator itself becomes the object of our influence, and we we can introduce certain attitudes into his subconscious, because It is known that in a state of anger any person is subject to coding (psychoprogramming). Other countermeasures can also be used. It should be remembered that in a state of anger it is easier to make a person laugh. You should know about this feature of the psyche and use it in time.

7. Fast pace, or unjustified haste.

In this case, we should talk about the desire of the manipulator, due to the imposed excessively fast pace of speech, to push through some of his ideas, having achieved their approval by the object of manipulation. This becomes possible even when the manipulator, hiding behind the alleged absence of time, achieves incomparably more from the object of manipulation than if this happened over a long period of time, during which the object of manipulation would have time to think over his answer, and therefore not become a victim of deception ( manipulations).

In this case, you should take a timeout (for example, refer to an urgent phone call, etc.) in order to knock the manipulator off the pace set by him. To do this, you can act out a misunderstanding of a question and a “stupid” questioning, etc.

8. Excessive suspicion, or forced excuses.

This type of manipulation occurs when the manipulator acts suspicious in any matter. As a response to suspicion in the object of manipulation, a desire to justify oneself follows. Thus, the protective barrier of his psyche weakens, which means that the manipulator achieves his goal by “pushing” the necessary psychological attitudes into his subconscious.

A defense option is to realize yourself as a person and volitional opposition to an attempt of any manipulative influence on your psyche (i.e. you must demonstrate your own self-confidence and show that if the manipulator is suddenly offended, then let him be offended, and if he wants to leave, you will not run after him; this should be adopted by "in love": do not let yourself be manipulated.)

9. Imaginary fatigue, or a game of consolation.

The manipulator with all his appearance shows fatigue and the inability to prove something and listen to any objections. Thus, the object of manipulation tries to quickly agree with the words given by the manipulator, so as not to tire him with his objections. Well, by agreeing, he thereby follows the lead of the manipulator, who only needs this.

There is only one way to counteract: not to succumb to provocations.

10. The authority of the manipulator, or the deception of power.

This type of manipulation comes from such specifics of the individual's psyche as the worship of authorities in any area. Most often it turns out that the very area in which such an "authority" has achieved results lies in a completely different area than his imaginary "request" now, but nevertheless, the object of manipulation cannot do anything with himself, since in his soul the majority people believe that there is always someone who has achieved more than they do.

A variant of confrontation is belief in one's own exclusivity, super-personality; development in oneself the belief in one's own chosenness, in the fact that you are a super-human.

11. Favors rendered, or payment for help.

The manipulator conspiratorially informs the object of manipulation about something, as if advising him to make this or that decision in a friendly way. At the same time, clearly hiding behind an imaginary friendship (in fact, they may be acquainted for the first time), as advice, he inclines the object of manipulation to the solution that the manipulator needs first of all.

You need to believe in yourself, and remember that you have to pay for everything. And it is better to pay immediately, i.e. before you are required to pay in the form of gratitude for the service rendered.

12. Resistance or enacted protest.

The manipulator with some words excites feelings in the soul of the object of manipulation, aimed at overcoming the barrier that has arisen (censorship of the psyche), in an effort to achieve his own. It is known that the psyche is arranged in such a way that a person wants to a greater extent what is either forbidden to him or what efforts must be made to achieve.

Whereas what may be better and more important, but lies on the surface, in fact, is often not noticed.

The way to counteract is self-confidence and will, i.e. you should always rely only on yourself, and not give in to weaknesses.

13. Particular factor, or from details to error.

The manipulator forces the object of manipulation to pay attention only to one specific detail, not allowing them to notice the main thing, and on the basis of this to draw the appropriate conclusions, which are accepted by the consciousness of that as an uncontested basis for the meaning of what was said. It should be noted that this is very common in life, when most people allow themselves to make their own opinion about any subject, actually having neither facts nor more detailed information, and often not having their own opinion about what they judge, using the opinion of others. Therefore, it is possible to impose such an opinion on them, which means that the manipulator will achieve his own.

To counteract, you should constantly work on yourself, on increasing your own knowledge and level of education.

14. Irony, or manipulation with a grin.

15. Interruption, or withdrawal of thought.

The manipulator achieves its goal by constantly interrupting the thoughts of the object of manipulation, directing the topic of conversation in the direction the manipulator needs.

As a countermeasure, you can ignore the interruptions of the manipulator, or use special speech psychotechnics to make him ridicule among the audience, because if a person is laughed at, all his subsequent words are no longer taken seriously.

16. Provoking imaginary, or false accusations.

This kind of manipulation becomes possible as a result of informing the object of manipulation of the information that can make him angry, and hence reducing the criticality in assessing the alleged information. After that, such a person is broken for a certain period of time, during which the manipulator achieves the imposition of his will on him.

Protection - believe in yourself and not pay attention to others.

17. Trapping, or the imaginary recognition of the opponent's benefit.

In this case, the manipulator, carrying out an act of manipulation, hints at more favorable conditions in which the opponent (the object of manipulation) is supposedly located, thereby forcing the latter to make excuses in every possible way and become open to manipulations that usually follow from this by the manipulator.

Protection - awareness of oneself as a super-personality, which means a completely reasonable "rise" above the manipulator, especially if he also considers himself "insignificance". Those. in this case, one should not make excuses that they say, no, I am not now higher in status than you, but admit, grinning, that yes, I am you, you are in my dependence, and you must accept it or ... Thus, faith in yourself, belief in your own exclusivity will help you overcome any traps in the way of your mind from manipulators.

18. Deception in the palm of your hand, or imitation of bias.

The manipulator intentionally puts the object of manipulation in certain predetermined conditions, when the person chosen as the object of manipulation, trying to divert suspicion from himself in excessive bias towards the manipulator, allows manipulation to be carried out on himself due to the unconscious belief in the good intentions of the manipulator. That is, it is as if he himself gives himself the installation not to react critically to the words of the manipulator, thereby unconsciously allowing the words of the manipulator to pass into his consciousness.

19. Deliberate delusion, or specific terminology.

In this case, manipulation is carried out through the use of specific terms by the manipulator that are not clear to the object of manipulation, and the latter, because of the danger of appearing illiterate, does not have the courage to clarify what these terms mean.

The way to counteract is to ask again and clarify what is incomprehensible to you.

20. Imposition of false stupidity, or through humiliation to victory.

The manipulator seeks in every possible way to reduce the role of the object of manipulation, alluding to his stupidity and illiteracy, in order to destabilize the positive mood of the psyche of the object of manipulation, plunge his psyche into a state of chaos and temporary confusion, and thus achieve the fulfillment of his will over him through verbal manipulation and ( or) coding of the psyche.

Protection - do not pay attention. It is generally recommended to pay less attention to the meaning of the words of the manipulator, and more to the details around, gestures and facial expressions, or even pretend that you are listening, and think “about your own”, especially if you are an experienced fraudster or criminal hypnotist.

21. The repetition of phrases, or the imposition of thoughts.

With this type of manipulation, due to repeated phrases, the manipulator accustoms the object of manipulation to any information that is going to convey to him.

Protective setting - do not fix attention on the words of the manipulator, listen to him “on the floor of the ear”, or use special speech techniques to transfer the conversation to another topic, or seize the initiative and introduce the settings you need into the subconscious of the interlocutor-manipulator yourself, or many other options.

22. Erroneous conjecture, or reticence involuntarily.

In this case, manipulations achieve their effect due to:

1) deliberate reticence by the manipulator;

2) erroneous conjecture by the object of manipulation.

At the same time, even if a deception is detected, the object of manipulation gets the impression of his own guilt due to the fact that he misunderstood or did not hear something.

Protection - exceptional self-confidence, education of super-will, formation of "chosenness" and super-personality.

23. Imaginary inattention.

In this situation, the object of manipulation falls into the trap of the manipulator, who plays on his own alleged inattention, so that later, having achieved his goal, he will refer to the fact that he allegedly did not notice (listen to) the opponent’s protest. Moreover, as a result of this, the manipulator actually puts the object of manipulation before the fact of the perfect.

Protection - to clearly clarify the meaning of "the agreements reached."

24. Say yes, or the path to agreement.

Manipulations of this kind are carried out due to the fact that the manipulator seeks to build a dialogue with the object of manipulation in such a way that he always agrees with his words. Thus, the manipulator skillfully leads the object of manipulation to pushing through his idea, and therefore to the implementation of manipulation over him.

Protection - bring down the focus of the conversation.

25. An unexpected quotation, or the words of an opponent as evidence.

In this case, the manipulative effect is achieved through unexpected quoting by the manipulator of the previously spoken words of the opponent. Such a technique has a discouraging effect on the chosen object of manipulation, helping the manipulator to achieve a result. At the same time, in most cases, the words themselves can be partially invented, i.e. have a different meaning than the subject of manipulation earlier said on this issue. If he spoke. Because the words of the object of manipulation can be simply invented from and to, or have only a slight similarity.

Defense - also apply the technique of false quoting, choosing in this case the supposedly said words of the manipulator.

26. The effect of observation, or the search for commonalities.

As a result of preliminary observation of the object of manipulation (including in the process of dialogue), the manipulator finds or invents any similarity between himself and the object, unobtrusively draws the attention of the object to this similarity, and thereby partially weakens the protective functions of the psyche of the object of manipulation, after which pushes his idea.

Protection - to sharply highlight with words your dissimilarity to the interlocutor-manipulator.

27. Imposing a choice, or initially the right decision.

In this case, the manipulator asks the question in such a way that does not leave the object of manipulation to accept a choice other than the one voiced by the manipulator. (For example, do you want to do this or that? In this case, the key word is “do”, while initially the object of manipulation may not have intended to do anything. But he was left with no choice but to choose between the first and second.)

Protection - do not pay attention plus volitional control of any situation.

28. Unexpected revelation, or sudden honesty.

This type of manipulation consists in the fact that after a short conversation, the manipulator suddenly confidentially informs the object he has chosen as manipulation that he intends to tell something secret and important, which is intended only for him, because he really liked this person, and he feels that can trust him with the truth. At the same time, the object of manipulation unconsciously gains confidence in this kind of revelation, which means that we can already talk about the weakening of the protective mechanisms of the psyche, which, through the weakening of censorship (the barrier of criticality), allows lies from the manipulator into the consciousness-subconsciousness.

Protection - do not succumb to provocations, and remember that you can always rely only on yourself. Another person can always let you down (consciously, unconsciously, under duress, under the influence of hypnosis, etc.)

29. Sudden counterargument, or insidious lie.

The manipulator, unexpectedly for the object of manipulation, refers to the words allegedly said earlier, in accordance with which the manipulator, as it were, simply develops the topic further, starting from them. The object of manipulation after such “revelations” develops a feeling of guilt, the barriers put forward in the way of the words of the manipulator, which he had previously perceived with a certain degree of criticality, should finally break in his psyche. This is also possible because most of those targeted by manipulation are internally unstable, have increased criticality towards themselves, and therefore, such a lie on the part of the manipulator turns in their minds into one or another share of the truth, which as a result and helps the manipulator get his way.

Protection - education of willpower and exceptional confidence and self-respect.

30. Accusation of theory, or alleged lack of practice.

The manipulator, as an unexpected counterargument, puts forward the requirement that the words of the object of manipulation chosen by him are, as it were, good only in theory, while in practice the situation will allegedly be different. Thus, unconsciously making it clear to the object of manipulation that all the words just heard by the manipulator are nothing and are good only on paper, but in a real situation everything will turn out differently, which means, in fact, one cannot rely on such words.

Protection - do not pay attention to the conjectures and assumptions of other people and believe only in the power of your mind.published.

Illustrations ©Kevin Sloan

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Have you ever thought about why you fulfill someone else's whim, despite internal protests and your own unwillingness to commit this act? At work, at home, in the company of friends, while watching TV - everywhere we are surrounded by manipulation, mastering the basic skills of which a person achieves the satisfaction of his own needs. How to manipulate people? It is enough to know a few specific points of influence that allow you to force a person to fulfill a particular request.

manipulation and manipulators. What to know and what to watch out for

Manipulation is various ways influence on a group of people or on an individual, provoking a change in behavior, preferences for values, as well as the fulfillment of certain tasks, requests, by the object of influence (the person on whom the manipulative influence was directed). A manipulator is a person (a group of people) who wants to fulfill their own needs with the help of a psychological (emotional) impact on another person.

Most people do not notice how, under the influence of certain factors, they fulfill someone else's request. With professional manipulation, a person is not able to recognize that he is being forced to do an act contrary to his values, morals and desires, however, by some signs, it is possible to identify how people manipulate other people. For example, an unexpected display of concern from stranger, boss, relative and other personalities who have not previously shown such feelings and emotions to the individual - this is a sign of the beginning of manipulation. This also includes children's tears, tantrums, setting conditions ("if you love, then ..."), intimidation and fear, the promise of improving living conditions after purchasing the goods (fulfilling the request).

Is manipulation necessary in the modern world?

Everyday life is filled with various manipulative influences. Every day, each of us can face them, just by turning on the TV. Advertising, presented to the gaze of a potential consumer, is replete with indirect suggestions that make the unprotected layman want to buy some product. And modern television series (Russian, foreign) and reality shows contain some kind of intrigue, forcing you to watch the next episode of the program again next time.

The ability to manipulate people is a whole science that most politicians, professional marketers and businessmen possess. Both in politics and in business, morality has somewhat different boundaries than in Everyday life which makes manipulation an indispensable means of achieving certain success. It is worth noting that the impact of this kind is not always negative, in some cases its use allows you to achieve the goal set for a group of people or one person. For example, a schoolchild, after several repetitions by the teacher of the task set ("we open textbooks", "take out a notebook", etc.), in the future will perform it at the subconscious level. Another example is the educational process. From this side, manipulation can be considered both a negative and a positive influence, depending on the values and morals of the family.

Psychology

The secrets of effective influence on people help to reveal the secrets of psychology. How to manipulate people and what is needed for this? The science of human mental activity advises to control oneself, not to show real emotions, to develop charisma and learn some acting skills, as well as learn to "read" people - this will help develop personal tactics of manipulative influence.

Before trying to influence certain person, it is necessary to take into account his age, gender and some mental characteristics. According to statistics, emotional individuals, women, children and older people (from 50 years old) are considered the most susceptible to outside influences. It is not for nothing that many scammers use pensioners, young mothers and children as their potential victims - each of them has leverage, it is this category that is the most vulnerable emotionally and mentally.

Some individuals have the gift of manipulation from an early age - in childhood, most of us do it unconsciously, over time, either forgetting about such skills, or developing and improving them. What does it mean to manipulate a person? Literally, this means direct or indirect influence, forcing a person to act according to the plan of the manipulator.

Is it worth it to learn such influence? Certainly yes. The technique of penetration into the human subconscious allows you to inspire people with what you want, while using nothing but communication. In addition, knowledge of possible techniques of this kind protects against unconscious subordination to other individuals. The art of manipulating people is easy for someone, and quite difficult for someone, it all depends on the individual qualities of the character of a potential manipulator.

Words

For effective suggestion, it is necessary to exclude uncertainty and denial from the vocabulary. How to manipulate people with words? Very simple: it is enough to replace "still" with "already", "I" with "we" or "you" in a conversation with a potential victim. Correctly phrased phrases that do not include denial (no, never, never) and open questions ("when will we meet?", "how will we solve this issue") also contribute to the impact.

How to manipulate people with words on paper, in a report, in a letter? Contextual suggestion helps here. Due to correctly placed words in the text, a person can unconsciously fall under the influence of another person. How to achieve this? It's simple, most of the text should consist of ordinary phrases, and only 10% of influencing phrases. The essence of messages of this kind is that the selected fragments of the text in the subconscious mind of the reader add up to a certain setting. For example: "I want you to work for us for a long time, fruitfully and efficiently. Work, of course, for a small fee, no one offers you to work. Everything will be paid according to our tariffs." The main thing is that when writing a message, it is necessary to take into account the future reader, his preferences and personality traits.

1. Manipulation of guilt or resentment

Using resentment or guilt is one of the surest ways to manipulate a loved one. The image of the unfortunate victim often gives its bearer "dividends" in the form of tacit powers and reparations. It happens that a person lives in the role of a victim for years and has already got used to it, however, in those around him, he no longer evokes sympathy and a desire to help, but, on the contrary, provokes irritation and even aggression. Because in fact, strange as it may sound, it is the victim who always ends up at the top of the pyramid in the family system. Such a person influences others through their feelings of guilt. Over time, people involved in this game begin to directly or semi-consciously understand this manipulation and react to it with aggression.

Antidote: It is best to develop a rule in the family to forget grievances. And do not remember each other's past sins during family quarrels. It won't lead to anything good anyway. If a partner offended you with something, then it is better to immediately discuss this issue. Civilized and correct, without giving assessments to either what is happening or the partner. Clarify the situation and adjust the rules of interaction to reduce the likelihood of a recurrence of a similar situation. Let's say metaphorically: write down insults in the sand, and carve joys in marble and granite. Make it the norm for your family and see how much easier and happier your life will become.

2. Anger Manipulation

There are people who go berserk to force you to give in to them. These are manipulators using what is called tactical anger.

Antidote: The worst thing is to follow the lead of such a person. After all, if his technique works, he will continue to do so with you and with others in the future. To begin with, you will need your determination: you must not give in or allow yourself to be shouted at. If the manipulator keeps screaming, leave. Continue this behavior in any subsequent skirmishes when he is angry, until the angry opponent learns to behave rationally with you.

With regard to your own anger, to which you will also often be provoked, it is worth developing a conscious position and rules in advance. Remember that in anger you may even be able to give your best speech. But there is a high probability that you will regret it later and will regret it all your life.

3. Silence Manipulation

People use meaningful silence when they want to show how upset they are. Otherwise, in their opinion, you will think that the problem is not important for them. People who often resort to silence for minor reasons create an unpleasant atmosphere that can ruin working relationships. The silence is calculated to make you feel guilty when you realize how upset this person is.

Antidote: Try to refrain from playing along with the pout, because if it works once, the silent person will resort to this technique all the time. But don't be harsh with him; act like everything is fine. Wait, let him break the silence himself. If you have discussions with a silent person, listen to him with an open mind. Friendly and reasonable explain to him what your point of view is based on. Even if your interlocutor continues to sulk after your story, you will know that you did your best. You didn't back down just to avoid a silence designed to force you to capitulate.

4. Love manipulation

"If you love, then ..." This manipulation is designed for close people who have a positive attitude towards the manipulator. The fear of being rejected and losing love is strong in people from childhood. Many parents imprudently tried to manipulate their child, saying “If you don’t listen to me / do what I say, etc., then I will stop communicating with you / loving you / taking care of you, etc..”

Antidote: Love is not a subject of bargaining, but the result of a relationship. When you notice the exploitation of your feelings, think about how much you need it.

5. Manipulation of hope

Brilliant promises often hide behind them the desire for the momentary benefit of their author. The fabulous promises of the Cat Basilio and the Fox Alice were dictated by their desire to get the golden ones that jingled in Pinocchio's pocket as soon as possible. Often such "songs" lead even more knowledgeable citizens to bury cash "in the Field of Wonders in the Land of Fools."

Antidote: An Arabic proverb says: "The wise man hopes for his deeds, but the foolish one relies on hope." Trust facts, not opinions. Make decisions based on real experience, not on someone else's stories or assumptions.

6. Vanity Manipulation

Little hooks that cling tightly to an overinflated ego may look like an innocent comment. Praise used in the calculation to achieve your goals: “You are great at reporting! Surely, and with the one that I want to offer you, no one can do it better than you! Or, on the contrary, a challenge with a hint of incompetence: “Is it weak? ..”, “You probably couldn’t ...”

Antidote: Remember, did you plan to make the proposal before presenting the provocative proposal? Check if it suits your interests and abilities.

7. irony or sarcasm

The manipulator chooses an initially ironic tone, critical statements and remarks, seasoned with jokes or provocative comments.

Antidote: It is impossible to make yourself offended without your own participation. If you don’t believe me, try to be offended just like that, at nothing in particular. If you do not succumb to the provocations of the manipulator, realizing or reminding yourself with whom and what you are dealing with, you will be able to maintain clarity of thought, accuracy of wording and emotional balance.

Complex

1. Shift in emphasis

Manipulators deliberately shift the emphasis in the material being presented, pushing something not entirely desirable into the background and emphasizing what they need. This is often the fate of the media, in most cases serving their masters. An example is the anecdote of the era of stagnation about Secretary General Brezhnev. The media are commenting on the race around the White House that took place at the suggestion of Jimmy Carter. Carter and Leonid Ilyich ran a race. Of the two participants, of course, the younger and stronger Carter won this race. The American media smugly write: "Our esteemed president is in great shape and could easily come first, and General Secretary Brezhnev was only the last to get there!" Our media wrote with restraint: “In the competitions held in the city of Washington, the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU, Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev, came to the finish line second. US President Jimmy Carter can only be content with his penultimate seat.

Antidote: Check the information, feel free to ask clarifying questions and find out the details.

2. Emotional contagion

This manipulation technology is based on such a property of the human psyche as emotional contagion. It is known that a person builds certain protective barriers on the way to receive information that is undesirable for him. To get around such a barrier (censorship of the psyche), it is necessary to direct the manipulative impact on feelings. Thus, by “charging” the necessary information with the necessary emotions, it is possible to overcome the barrier of reason and cause an explosion of passions in a person, making him worry about what he heard. Then the effect of emotional infection comes into play, which is most widespread in the crowd, where, as you know, the criticality threshold of each individual is lower and historically more ancient reflexes and instincts are turned on. A similar manipulation technique has been used during a number of reality shows where contestants speak in raised tones and sometimes show considerable emotional arousal. This makes the audience watch the ups and downs of the events shown, empathizing with the main characters.

Antidote: Separate the wheat from the chaff. It is necessary to separate the emotional message and the content aspect of the information. For example, before making a purchase under the pressure of a smart seller or advertising, think about what goals, desires and projected expenses you had before this situation / information appeared, what specific qualities and properties of the product / service interested you, how much you really need them. If it is possible to postpone the decision, it is better to consider the issue of expediency later, in a calmer and more adequate emotional state, following the rule “the morning is wiser than the evening”.

3. "Psychological Aikido"

Depending on the presentation of the same materials, it is possible to achieve different, sometimes opposing opinions of the audience. That is, some event can be artificially “not noticed”, but something, on the contrary, can be given increased attention. Here is a good example of how it works:

It's actually a basement room, but it's quite nice. He is a wonderful guy, we fell in love with each other and are going to get married. We have not yet appointed the exact date, but the wedding will be before my pregnancy becomes noticeable. Yes, mom and dad, I'm pregnant. I know that you dream of becoming a grandparent and that you will welcome the child and surround him with the same love, devotion and tender care that surrounded me as a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my friend caught a minor infection that interferes with premarital blood tests, and I inadvertently contracted it from him. I am sure you will welcome my friend with open arms. He is kind, and although not very educated, but hardworking.

Now, after I told you what happened, I want to tell you that there was no fire in the hostel, I did not have a concussion and a fracture of the skull, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected and I don't have a friend. However, I get low grades in American history and bad grades in chemistry, and I want you to look at these grades with wisdom and condescension.

Your loving daughter Sharon»

In his book The Psychology of Influence, American social psychologist Robert Cialdini cites this amusing letter as an example of the skillful use of the principle of perceptual contrast to influence people and change their beliefs. You can be sure that this wonderful little tool of influence, provided by the principle of contrast, does not go unclaimed. The great advantage of the principle is not only that it works effectively, but also that its use is almost imperceptible to the untrained person.

Antidote: Learn to return yourself to the original chosen position before introducing external influences into it. Check if your current position is in line with your strategic principles and priorities. Compare your position before and after receiving additional external information that changed your perception of what is happening. Analyze the reliability, importance and significance of the information brought in from outside. Relate your insights to your long-term and past plans, scoring systems, priorities, and significant relationships.

4. Commands Hidden in Sentences and Questions

The manipulator hides its installation command under the guise of a request. One Zen Buddhist parable can clearly demonstrate this:

The conversations of the Zen teacher Bankei attracted not only Zen students, but also people of different sects and ranks. His large audience displeased the priest of the Nichiren sect, as the sect's followers left him to hear about Zen. A self-absorbed Nichiren priest came to the temple intent on arguing with Bankei.

Hey Zen teacher! he called. - Wait a minute. Anyone who respects you will obey your words, but I do not respect you. Can you make me obey?

"Come to me and I'll show you," Bankei said. The priest began majestically to make his way through the crowd to the teacher. Bankei smiled.

- Stand to my left.

The priest obeyed.

“No,” said Bankei, “it will be easier for us to talk if you stand to my right.” Move over here.

The priest moved to the right with dignity.

“You see,” said Bankei, “you obey me. It seems to me that you are a thin and soft person. Now sit down and listen.

In this parable from the distant past, we can observe direct manipulation, it only emphasizes the nature of the messages behind ordinary conversation and proposals. But such influence can also be exercised in more hidden ways.

Antidote: Clearly aware of your goals and "coordinate system". It is also worth trying to find out the motives and interests of the interlocutor. In the future, it will be easier to track the tactics and strategy for achieving them, formalized in the form of specific techniques.

5. Avoid discussion

Such a manipulative action is carried out with the demonstrative use of resentment. For example, “...it is impossible to discuss serious issues with you constructively...”, “...your behavior makes it impossible to continue our meeting...”, or “I am ready to continue this discussion, but only after you bring in order your nerves ... ”, etc.

The disruption of the discussion by provoking a conflict is carried out with the help of various methods of driving the opponent out of himself, when the discussion turns into an ordinary squabble that is completely unrelated to the original topic.

Antidote: Maintain emotional calm, restraint and composure. Explain to yourself that this trick is a provocation of the aggressor and will not work, since you have already identified it. You should not be angry with the aggressor himself for allowing himself such an injustice. That is his nature.

6. Artificial displacement of the dispute

In this case, starting the discussion of any provision, the manipulator tries not to give arguments from which this provision follows, but suggests immediately proceeding to their refutation. Thus, the opportunity for criticism of the position of the manipulator is limited, and the dispute itself is shifted to the argumentation of the opposite side. In the event that the opponent succumbed to this and begins to criticize the put forward position, citing various arguments, they try to argue around these arguments, looking for flaws in them. At the same time, the manipulator does not provide its system of evidence for discussion.

Antidote: Bring the dialogue back on track. Remember the home field effect in football. In communication, “its own field” also has greater value. Do not give up the initiative and return "to yourself" and the chosen position.

7. Thread of questions

In the case of this manipulative technique, the object is asked several different questions at once on the same topic. In the future, they act depending on his answer: they are accused of not understanding the essence of the problem or that he did not answer the question completely, or of trying to mislead.

Antidote: State that you think it would be more appropriate to answer the questions sequentially, and focus your answers on the topic you have chosen. In case of aggressive pressure, ignore subsequent questions and continue calmly answering your chosen one or pause until the flow of questions has dried up. Variants of active discrediting of the manipulator are possible. For example, take a piece of paper and start writing down questions with a comment, as in the well-known comedy: “Couldn’t you slow down, I’m writing down ...”

the site thanks the publishing house "Peter" for the provided excerpt.