My soul hurts - what to do? Advice from a psychologist. You are so much more than your injury.
Doctor! Heal your soul -
This is a complete abscess,
I promise to listen to you,
You are the doctor, I am the patient!
You say it's not possible?
No pills for the soul?
That you need to be careful with her,
Relax, don't rush to live?
Don't bother her in vain,
And don’t tear it up in the night.
After all, the soul is wonderful!
Woven like brocade,
From sunsets and sunrises,
Cobwebs and dew,
Good morning greetings,
Marvelous lace beauty.
Yes, I remember that's how it was,
Lots of bright warmth.
How my Soul loved!
How beautiful she was!
And now it's so empty inside
It was like the lights had been turned off.
Disgusting, disgusting, scary, sad,
-Doctor! Give me some advice!
Turns away and leaves
It's a pity that it took up time.
What's happening to me
I couldn't explain...
Vladimir Belozersky
Heal! I come to see the doctor -
Doctor, I feel bad, at least scream.
Doctor, from the soul of paralysis
Heal me, heal me!
Doctor, darling, don’t hold me accountable
There is no reason for bodily troubles -
From my spiritual weakness
Heal me, heal me!
In the cities I am no one's heart,
In the cities I am a beggar in soul, -
I am depersonalized by asphalts.
Heal me, heal me!
Prescribe forty drops of rain,
Write to me - in the meadows on my back.
Virus of the city, no less...
Heal me, heal me!
Assign the scent of pine to the thicket,
Don’t skimp on procedures, more often!
Forgive me for begging so much -
Doctor, the soul is paralyzed,
Heal me, heal me! 
He won’t die right away, but he will dream about it © Dr. House
If you wait long enough, someone is bound to get sick © Dr. House
Most patients do not distinguish the forehead from the pubis © Dr. House
Luxurious women become doctors only if someone has offended them © Doctor House
I'll be in my office. Alone with myself. A lot of new pornography has appeared on the Internet, but it cannot be downloaded by itself © Dr. House
Doctors must treat diseases, and those who treat patients are never out of their melancholy © Dr. House
If I enjoy hating life, I don't hate life. I enjoy it © Dr. House
Is a lie a lie if everyone knows it's a lie? © Dr. House
If she agrees with me, then I don't need her. If not, I don’t want her © Dr. House about Cuddy
Either help you live or help you die - you can’t do it all at once © Dr. House
Who do you want, a doctor who holds your hand while you die or a doctor who ignores you while you get better? Perhaps the worst thing is to have a doctor who ignores you while you are dying. © House
Do you want me to treat him? Medicines in the pharmacy, immobile patient in intensive care. Sounds like a simple geographic problem. © House
I don't work well in search groups. Also, I don’t know how to sit, smoke, get nervous and do nothing! © House
How is your prostitute doing? - Oh, so nice of you to ask - funny story: she was going to become a hospital administrator, but she didn't like having people that way. © Cuddy and House
The soul hurts differently than the body. Sometimes it is difficult to recover from certain temptations. What do those who know from experience how to achieve psychological health write?
Righteous John of Kronstadt (1829-1908)
The treatment of mental illnesses (passions) is completely different from the treatment of physical illnesses. In physical illnesses, you need to dwell on the disease, caress the sore spot with soft remedies, warm water, warm poultices, etc., but in mental illnesses it is not so: an illness has attacked you - do not dwell on it, do not caress it at all, do not indulge it, do not warm her, but beat her, crucify her, do the completely opposite of what she asks.
Venerable Silouan of Athos (1866-1938)
It is good to learn to live according to the will of God. Then the soul unceasingly abides in God and is extremely at peace.
Hieromonk Peter (Seregin) (1895-1982)
It often happens that even with good material security and with good relations towards us from our neighbors, our hearts are gnawed by sins and passions, like fierce snakes. And if we resort to spiritual and moral means, we overcome pride and exaltation and free ourselves from vanity, envy and anger, displeasure and the lusts of the flesh that give rise to them; inner life Our soul, under the influence of God’s grace, is cleansed from irritability, fear and sinful anxiety, and the peace of God overshadows our soul; we feel joy in the Lord.
The chains of sin weaken, and some fall completely, and we feel quite happy, in the fullness of life, despite various external material and other worldly conditions.
Holy Scripture is a spiritual pharmacy in which the blessed Heavenly Father hid various healings for our sake. We have many different infirmities, ailments and illnesses in our souls, and therefore we demand many different healings, which we find all in the Holy Scripture. There, with the help of the Holy Spirit, who spoke through the prophets and apostles, everyone will find a cure for their infirmities: the sad - consolation, the doubting - reason and confirmation, the ignorant - instruction and knowledge. There is hidden advice for those who are perplexed, those who do not know reason, and consolation for the sad.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets (1924-1994)
If a person has self-will, self-confidence and self-indulgence, then, even if he is smart even than seven inches in the forehead, he will suffer constantly. He gets confused, ties himself up, and has problems. To find his way, he must open his heart to some confessor and humbly ask him for help. However, some go to a psychiatrist instead of a confessor. If the psychiatrist turns out to be a believer, he will lead them to their confessor. And an unbelieving psychiatrist will limit himself to giving them some pills. However, pills by themselves do not solve the problem.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783)
A person who begins to believe can be likened to a weak person who, seeing his incurable illness, desires and seeks a skillful doctor. So the sinner, seeing through the law his sinful weakness, from which he cannot free himself with his own strength, desires and seeks a doctor who could free him from that weakness.
Schemamonk Zosima (XVII-XIX centuries)
Is anyone dead either through godlessness or sin, who can resurrect him? The Word of God, which is life. Is anyone lost in the darkness of heresy or in the path of a corrupt life? Who can enlighten him or turn him to the path of salvation? The Word of God, which is light and truth. Is anyone sick in soul: the Word of God for healing. Are you cruel at heart? The Word of God softens him. Is he a desperate sinner? The Word of God draws him to repentance. Are you depressed by sorrows or temptations? The Word of God is his consolation, admonition and strengthening.
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867)
There is nothing a person needs as much as faith. Not only the bliss of the future life, but also the well-being of the present life depends on it.
Doctor Sergei Apraksin (XIX-XX centuries)
Poor man! Instead of telling him: “Think about the reasons for your nervousness, fill your spiritual emptiness with faith and trust in God, develop a different attitude towards life with all its sorrows and joys,” they tell him: “You are sick, go and get treatment,” and so the unfortunate person runs or goes to the doctors to seek salvation from his mental illness.
Here the issue is resolved, for the most part, very simply: the word “neurasthenia” is pronounced, a comprehensive word, although it does not express anything specific (and the patient thinks that his illness is understood), and the usual treatment begins...
This is how several years usually pass (and sometimes the whole life) until, finally, an exhausted person understands that the nervous “I can’t”, under the influence of various kinds of factors, is easily transformed by the person himself into “I can”...
The most irritable person, caught during a family scene, for example, by a stranger, a little-known person, quickly restrains himself and turns “I can’t” into “I can.” He who does not tolerate objections from his subordinates due to nervousness portrays himself as a meek lamb when his superiors make their way through him. In a word, various kinds of influence: shame in front of people, fear for one’s official position, passionate love and other factors easily turn the nervous “I can’t” into “I can.”
This means that we always have that lever within ourselves that we are ready to use to turn ourselves over, we just have to want to use it and not let it go. And when a person, exhausted by eternal treatment and all the other unpleasant consequences of his illness, understands this, understands that the remedy for nervousness is in himself, and not in those numerous vials that he previously emptied in abundance and without benefit, only then, having given up all treatment , he finally achieves, with the help of God, little by little, either complete, or at least relative, but lasting recovery...
The whole trouble is that we care too much about the development of external senses from sight to taste and too little about the development of speculation, which is called in the prayers “the eyes of the mind,” “the mind and the eyes of the heart, even to salvation.” These “eyes” were given to man by God for the knowledge of great truths...
The fact that faith in us is very weak, that our attitude to life is the most impossible, of course, is most to blame for our upbringing, but every adult can re-educate himself and develop a correct Christian outlook on life if he uses the means indicated for this by the Church. Of these means, the most important is prayer. There are very few non-believers, the majority are of little faith, so with this grain of faith, start praying, and you will soon feel that this grain will begin to break through, after a while it will already give rise to a sprout, from which, over time, a mighty tree will grow. Under the shade of this tree it will be easy and pleasant to rest from the heavy heat of human passions and from the storm of everyday weather, and in due time you will reap the fruit.
Just start praying, and faith will come to you on its own, and if it was weak, it will strengthen and little by little, your attitude towards life will gradually change. Prayer will distract you, at least for a while, from ordinary everyday thoughts and interests, attract your mind to heavenly things, make you involuntarily think about things that you hardly thought about before, make you feel a lot and, with the help of God’s grace, change your previous way of thinking and root faith and the pursuit of the Christian ideal. Healing from the serious and sad spiritual illness of lack of faith, prayer, combined with strict submission to the church regime, can greatly help us with bodily ailments. We have seen how useful prayer, combined with hope and faith in God, is in certain nervous conditions, which are based on spiritual emptiness and weakness of will...
Life shows us numerous examples where a nervous person, who has been treated for several years without any result, quickly achieves a complete or at least relative, but lasting recovery after he turns to God and begins to live according to the rules of the Church. I, at least, know several such examples, and I think that everyone else knows a lot of them. And for other nervous ailments, the importance of the above factors is important. Let us take, for example, the notorious brain fatigue, which modern medicine assigns a prominent place among other causes of modern nervousness. It turns out that intense work in itself rarely causes persistent nervous illness, but is dangerous only when combined with human vice and passions...
Here's what Prof. says about this. Strumpel: “...We see, therefore, that the exhaustion of the nervous system, which is the essence of neurasthenia, is led mainly by the mental work of people, accompanied by excitement of fear and hope, the mental tension of a politician constantly worried about the passionate struggle of parties, and finally, the efforts of the minds of those artists and scientists, whose indefatigable ambition impels them to keep pace with the competition.”
It follows that faith and the resulting attitude towards life, wealth, fame, ambition, etc., is a powerful preventive remedy here too...
The best preventive measure is to educate the younger generation on strictly religious and moral principles. The main task education (in the family and at school) should consist of the desire to instill in the child’s soul the fear of God and true love for God.
When the disease has developed, the best remedy is prayer. It is necessary to pray every day in the morning and evening, reading the morning and evening rules, at least in a somewhat abbreviated form, with attention, trying to delve into the meaning of each word.
In addition, read daily those selected passages from the Gospel and the Apostle that are read on the corresponding day during the church service. Do not neglect public worship, but visit the temple of God, at least on holidays and Sundays (all-night vigil and mass), choosing the temple where the service is more beautiful, and most importantly, where they read legibly and serve without haste.
Fast at least once a year. Observe fasts and all other regulations of the Church, remembering that they were created by great people who understood human nature much better than the most outstanding modern sages. In all other ways: through reflection, soul-saving conversation, reading the works of the great Fathers of the Church, try to strengthen faith in yourself, cultivate in your soul an awareness of all the beauty of the Christian ideal and develop Christian attitude to life events...
Remember that during the first time of such a life, a second source of thought will certainly open in you with greater or lesser force, a thought that is bad, contradictory, tempting, creating a whole series of a certain kind of “temptation.” You should not give in to this, but pray persistently, with hope and patience, remembering the following words of the Savior from the parable of the unjust judge: “Hear what the unjust judge says. Will not God protect His chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night, although He is slow to protect them?
When a person feels physical pain, it is quite simple to say that it hurts. But when the soul hurts, what to do, how to explain it, and how to cope with it?
Features of mental pain
As you know, mental pain cannot be measured by any instruments. Oddly enough, sometimes a person cannot even describe it, but most of us have felt it at least once in our lives. Often, small wounds on the body heal quite quickly, but it may take more than one year to eliminate the pain in the soul.
The emotional suffering that a person feels at this moment is often incommensurate with anything. The painful sensations that a person experiences at this moment depend on the individual characteristics of the individual and the reason that provoked such a malfunction in the body.
Causes of mental pain
If we consider heartache V broad concept, then there may be an innumerable number of reasons for its occurrence. Most often, such unpleasant sensations appear due to loss loved one. This could be a breakup, a serious quarrel, or death. In all these cases, there is a feeling of emptiness, a lack of this person, which entails the appearance of mental pain.
When asking the question of why the soul hurts, you can find other answers. Often this happens because the goal was not achieved. For example, a person spent most of his life creating a mind-blowing career, but remained an average worker. Someone focused on family life, but things are heading towards divorce. Moreover, in most of these cases, oppression occurs not because the desired outcome did not work out, but because of the condemnation of those close to them.
Also, situations when a person does not want to do something, but “should”, can be associated with public opinion. This very necessity is most often far-fetched. Over time, certain ideals appear in society, and in an effort to achieve them, a person forgets about what he really wants. Without receiving even the slightest pleasure from daily work every day, he cannot achieve a feeling of joy; constant stress over time affects his state of mind.
How to deal with the problem
Most people in such a situation are not interested in the reason for such sensations, but in the answer to the question “When the soul hurts, what to do?” You need to understand for yourself how to relate to this pain, what to do in such a situation, and how to react to what happened. All these steps will be part of recovery and relief from painful sensations.
How to deal with painful sensations
You should not perceive pain as something negative and destructive. Pain, both mental and physical, gives us a sign that a malfunction has occurred in the body. This condition becomes the first signal that prevents much worse consequences. And you need to direct your internal reserves to eliminate the first urges.
The constant state of depression, apathy and dissatisfaction only gets worse over time. If you do not take any action, then as a result of a continuous depressed mood, a person morally begins to “corrode” himself from the inside.
How to react
It is much easier to cope with torment when you know why your soul hurts. There are several tips that help in different situations. After all, a person will cope with a problem differently if there is mental anxiety and when there is a feeling that no one needs him.
Losing a loved one
The greatest pain is felt in those moments when you lose a loved one forever. Even more depressing is the realization that you cannot return those joyful moments that connected you.
In such a situation, there is no need to keep everything to yourself, especially in the first time after the incident. It’s best to cry, whether to someone or just alone. After you have let go of the most negative emotions, you should take care of your own recovery. You need to accept the fact that a person has left this life, but you are still alive, don’t give up on yourself. Oddly enough, in this situation, most people who have experienced this support the statement that time heals. No one can tell you how much water needs to flow for you to return to real life, but it will definitely happen.
Don’t isolate yourself from the help of loved ones, they can distract you a little. When your soul hurts from losses, loneliness is not the best advisor, so to restore vitality and energy, try to get involved in the life of society more often.
Loneliness
At some point in life, most people feel abandoned and unwanted. If your soul hurts from loneliness, the main thing is not to close yourself off. The more you focus on yourself, the more consuming this state becomes. The soul may feel heavy from loneliness after a breakup, or such pain may arise as a result of the feeling that no one needs it.
Getting out of the daily routine, meeting new people, traveling and even art will help you cope with loneliness. Handicrafts are a great way to recover from a failed relationship. Choose for yourself what you like, be it painting huge oil paintings or assembling matchstick houses, the main thing is that this activity completely absorbs and captivates you.
If you broke up, but still work at the same job or are in the same group of friends, then the best option would be a change of scenery. You don't have to go to the other side of the Earth to get distracted. Camping with tents in a nearby forest will have exactly the same effect.
There is also one popular and quite effective way when your heart is heavy. Workaholics in this case are completely saved by work. This is a fairly effective method, but it is not worth using it as a long-term treatment, because you can lose contact with all your family and friends. Therefore, it is better to perceive this method as temporary therapy.
Grief
The concept of grief is quite broad; it can include both mental and physical losses. When your soul hurts from grief, you need to realize and accept what happened, and then begin to move on. Everything passes and changes, medicine allows us to treat most diseases, and financial losses can always be restored. Time heals, and after a while you yourself will begin to forget about what happened.
Resentment
A fairly common condition of the human body, when the soul hurts from insults. Injustices in this life lie in wait for us at every corner, and no matter how hard we try, it is impossible to cope with them all. If the feeling of resentment arose as a result of a situation that you can influence, then it is best to act and strive to restore justice. If the situation is obviously a win-win situation, it is better to let it go and forget it as quickly as possible. Resistance will take away much more vitality from you than ignoring what happened. If a feeling of resentment arose after something a loved one said to you, it is better not to eat yourself up about this, but to talk openly with him. A fairly common situation is when a person screws himself up and comes up with the development of the plot in one phrase. A constructive conversation will help you figure out the essence of the problem and understand for yourself, first of all, whether there is a reason to be offended.
First aid at home
Most often, the most ordinary things can restore a positive attitude and pull a person out of a depressed state. Therefore, you need to remember some tips that will answer the question “My soul hurts, what should I do?” Easy techniques to eliminate psychological trauma:
In the most difficult situations
When your soul hurts, what to do when not a single method helps, and you yourself feel that you are becoming more and more drawn into this state? There remains one more proven method of dealing with mental pain and depression - going to a psychologist. Some people are extremely negative about this, believing that it is a waste of money and time. Actually this is not true.
A long-term state of mental pain, which is intertwined with chronic depression, is no longer regarded simply as a malfunction in the body, but as a disease. And who can best help you cope with the disease if not a doctor?
Do not underestimate mental pain; against the background of this problem, disturbances in a person’s physical condition develop, and health problems appear. The patient becomes distracted, which negatively affects work and study, and will subsequently give an additional impetus to worsening depression.
A visit to a psychologist will allow you to find out what the situation looks like from the outside. A positive feature is that a person can look at what happened impartially. Also, the psychologist will probably offer you several options for getting out of this state; you can choose the most effective and least painful one for you. The human psyche has many features that only an experienced psychologist understands, so his help often becomes the most effective among all options for getting rid of depression.
Don't isolate yourself
If you feel that for some reason you have broken down internally and you cannot cope on your own, you should not close yourself off from everyone. This condition can be compared to a disease that you don’t tell anyone about, but at this time it gets worse and causes more and more harm.
Talk to a loved one; if this is psychologically difficult, tell a stranger about your experiences. By constantly holding negative thoughts within ourselves, we poison our essence.
Recovery or worsening
Some people confuse relief from heartache with temporary relief. When choosing alcohol or drugs as an ally, a person must understand that they will not help in any way to cope with the problem. The intoxication passes, but the pain does not disappear. Such treatment methods are akin to self-deception; we forget about the problem for a while, but it does not go away.
To get rid of mental pain, you need to understand what its root cause is, get rid of it, accept it or forget it. You should not run away from the decision; the faster and more radically you begin to fight mental pain, the better the result will be.
A. Demkin
If your soul hurts... What to do if your soul feels bad?
© 2011-2015, Andrey Demkin, St. Petersburg.
Reprinting or other full or partial reproduction of the material is permitted only with the written permission of the author.
What to do if your soul hurts, if your soul feels bad?
10 steps to overcome the crisis.
10 steps personal experience way out of a mental crisis. One of the possible solutions.
“Without sorrow there is no salvation, but the Kingdom of Heaven awaits those who endure.”
Venerable Seraphim Sarovsky
Each of us has had, has and will have moments or periods when the soul feels unbearably bad, when the soul hurts and grieves. I don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to move... At such moments, I can’t believe that someday my soul will get over the pain and learn to rejoice again. It is impossible to look into the future in such a state. You see only a blank wall in front of you and bitter losses or mistakes behind you. Can't sleep at night. There is no strength for anything... It is very, very difficult to get out of such a state of mind. My soul hurts, my soul feels bad...
may your holy gift and your holy water be for the forgiveness of my sins, for the enlightenment of my mind, for the strengthening of my mental and physical strength, for the health of my soul and body, for the subjugation of my passions and infirmities, according to Thy infinite mercy through the prayers of Thy Most Pure Mother and all Thy Saints. Amen. Prayer to your Guardian Angel: In the Leningrad and Pskov regions I can recommend for confession: The “Mental Cross” technique for treating anxiety, fears and restlessness To restore normal night sleep, use our video or audio classes "Healing Dreams" . Before your doctor prescribes treatment (if necessary), you can support your strength with one of the most harmless medicines, which simply consists of the metal Magnesium and vitamin B6: Magne B6(France, more expensive) or Magnelis B6 (Russia, cheaper). This remedy helps to quickly relieve internal tension. Clinical studies have shown that therapy with Magne B6 can reliably improve mental and somatic (vegetative) manifestations of anxiety with the same effectiveness as the use of tranquilizers, and its antidepressant effect is comparable to the use of antidepressants. But here it is important to note that therapy with a magnesium-containing drug, and in particular Magne B6 Forte, should be long-term - from 2-3 months to a year. The minimum period of treatment with magnesium-containing preparations is 2 months - it can be recommended for young people under the age of 40 years. For persons over 40 years of age, the drug should be taken for 2-3 to 6 months. People under acute or chronic stress need to take magnesium throughout the period negative impact stress factors. For chronic stress in the absence of kidney disease, it is possible to recommend taking the drug Magnerot(500 mg magnesium) 1-2 tablets per day. It is possible to take Magnerot for a long time - during the entire period of action of the factors causing stress. Magnerot is cheaper than Magne B6. Another harmless remedy for the treatment of anxiety, tension, low mood and sleep disorders is ordinary valerian (valerian extract). However, to use valerian effectively, it must be used in the correct doses. The clinically proven effective effect of valerian extract begins with a single dose of 100 mg (this is 5 tablets of valerian extract 20 mg each). For increased anxiety, irritability, and neuromuscular tension, prescribe 100 mg of valerian extract 3 times a day. Before bedtime (an hour before bedtime) take 400-460 mg of valerian (20-23 tablets of 20 mg each). Taking valerian in such doses reduces the time of sleep onset by 9-11 minutes, makes sleep deeper, and reduces the number of night awakenings. The recommended duration of treatment with valerian is up to 28 days. Ratio of valerian extract dose to valerian root weight: 200 mg of valerian extract is equivalent to 1 g of dry valerian root. That is, to prepare daily portions of valerian, you will need 0.5 g of dry valerian root per dose, and before bedtime - 2 g of dry valerian root. Other good medicine, which is sold in pharmacies without a prescription, is Afobazole. Afobazole reduces the feeling of constant anxiety (concern, bad feelings, fears), reduces irritability and tearfulness, reduces constant tension, improves sleep, gives more strength and self-confidence, improves concentration and attention. Afobazole does not reduce the speed of psychomotor reactions, does not reduce muscle strength, and its use can be combined with driving a car or performing other complex operator activities. Also, afobazole is not addictive. Afobazole is taken 1 tablet (10 mg) 3 times a day after meals. Relief of anxiety and neuropsychic tension occurs already on the 2-3rd day of taking afobazole. A pronounced effect develops on days 5-7. The course of treatment with afobazole is 2-4 weeks, depending on the effect. The maximum effect develops by the 4th week of taking afobazole. Side effects: when you start taking afobazole, you may experience a headache, which will go away after a few days from the start of treatment. Allergic reactions are possible. Be sure to consult your doctor before taking afobazole! To support the body during acute and chronic stress, it is important to eat foods that contain substances that reduce the manifestations of stress. Which saint should you pray to on what occasions?Orthodox prayers on different cases life.
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Ecology of life. When old wounds open and pain pours out like a bucket, when, as in the worst dream, you are suddenly left completely alone and it is not clear who to blame for this…. To prevent your heart from becoming hardened and your soul from drying out, it is important to allow yourself to cry...
When old wounds open and pain pours out like a bucket when, as in your worst nightmare, you are suddenly left completely alone and it is not clear who to blame for this... To prevent your heart from becoming hardened and your soul from drying out, it is important to allow yourself to cry... Tears will wash away the wound.
With the deepest love and regret, fill it with memories of what you once were and what path you had to go through in order to today allow yourself to just cry in complete safety, sitting serenely on your sofa.
And maybe you were even lucky and there was a friend next to you who nods in time with your sobs and swears at all those who offended you. He probably knows how tears heal, how they burn out everything that gives rise to them: grievances burn in the heart with a blue flame, events dissipate in memory as ashes, wounds are covered with scar tissue... And gradually... over time... peace and grace will reign in the empty conflagration...
how to heal your heartache
To a greater or lesser extent, such sore spots exist in each of us. This is because there is no life without surprises. And many of them are completely unclear how to cope.
Great nature has built into our nervous system three standard ways of responding to any physical and psychological danger. Two of them - flight and fight - are completely justified and logical. When a person is faced with an incomprehensible or dangerous situation, his body is immediately filled with strength to cope with the circumstances or avoid them in some way.
When, for any reason, it turns out to be impossible to release this energy through action, a person instinctively resorts to the third method - he freezes. All the tension that has arisen in the body remains bound within the nervous system until the very moment when the “danger” has passed. Scientists call this reaction immobilization. Most often, trauma is born in this place. It arises not so much because we freeze, but because we do not die away when it is already quite safe to do so.
how to heal psychological trauma
In other words, trauma is the remnants of accumulated psychological and, accordingly, physical stress, which one way or another breaks out and requires release. This is why people who have experienced trauma sometimes behave strangely. They continually replay memories of the trauma in their minds. They literally live in the past, coming up with different real and unreal options for how things could be. They refuse to accept reality. They return to the “scene of the incident.” They may even structure any new relationship in such a way as to relive the traumatic event. Thus, a person rejected in love will not only be afraid of rejection in a new relationship, but will also do everything to be rejected again. Psychologists even have a term - “the trauma of the rejected.”
From the point of view of sanity, such behavior seems stupid. Friends, relatives, parents, wives and husbands advise you to immediately begin to behave reasonably. Little do they know that when a person returns physically or emotionally to their trauma, they are actually acting very wisely, intuitively or even instinctively. He rushes to the place where the intense tension was born, in order to be able to do what did not work out then - to reset, or, more simply put, to use up the stagnant energy. He just doesn't really understand how to do it correctly. And as a result, returning leads to repeated difficult feelings and emotions that only intensify the trauma. It seems to be running in a spiral that tightly twists trauma into the very depths of the human soul.
However, turning this path back, despite all the apparent difficulties, is entirely within the power of every person, especially with professional help. We can start with a simple understanding that at the biological level, survival is important for any individual who finds himself in a difficult psychological or physiological situation. This is an ancient instinct, without which people would not exist in this world. It cannot be controlled by even the most enlightened and spiritually developed mind. Surviving means winning! This is the simple and clear logic of nature and human nature. This is the starting point from which the healing of any trauma begins.
So, it's time to deal with your own wounds. Please think about what injury, pain or wound you would like to begin to heal today... Now honestly ask yourself:
WHAT DID I DO TO SURVIVE?
I always ask this question first, because in an acute negative state a person tends to see his own mistakes and mistakes more. At the same time, he absolutely devalues everything that he has already been able to do to cope with the painful situation. Sometimes, one simple realization: “I did everything I understood and could at that moment” brings enormous relief.
When you begin to constructively and gradually analyze the situation in which you were so painfully wounded, you suddenly notice that you could have acted in many other ways, which perhaps would have led to different results or consequences. I carefully make sure that these comments do not fall as an internal reproach on an already sick heart, but rather respect the lessons that have already been learned thanks to a new, unfortunately sad, experience.
What can you do if a person really quickly and effectively learns solely from his suffering. So, The time has come to separate the experience from what you learned from it:
What did I learn from this situation?
What did you understand?
What did I see differently?
What is the right thing to do, what to say, what to do if next time something similar starts happening to me?
And only when all your own merits are seen and appreciated, and all the lessons are thoroughly learned, you can move on and ask yourself:
WHAT DID I NOT DO BUT IT HELPED ME SURVIVE?
This important question can turn your whole life upside down.
One of my clients who was raped, five years after the horrific event, was still beating and punishing herself for not resisting, fighting, screaming, or biting. The girl literally brought herself to the point of exhaustion and exhaustion, until she suddenly realized that it was her humility and silence, in the literal sense of the word, that helped her stay alive. The time has come for pure and sincere tears, full of gratitude to myself. With all these tears, the torment flowed away. For the first time in many years, the soul of a very young girl was filled to the brim with peace and quiet.
Almost always, such awareness and understanding alleviate the overall condition, but rarely when the injury itself is healed. It is like an onion that must be carefully peeled layer by layer to get to the core. The first layer is the semantic integration of traumatic experience into life. The questions I shared above will help you with this. You can easily answer them yourself. Now it's time to move on.
The heart of any mental wound lives in our memory, pulsates in our nerves and twists our entire body. Trauma can only be healed by releasing tension on all three levels. Memory, emotions and the body, which directly experiences all this, are inseparably connected with each other. If you pull one thread, you will certainly begin to unravel the whole tangle of traumatic pain.
For convenience, I will break the technique into several steps:
Step 1: Drawing up an internal trauma map.
At this point I will ask you to refer to your memory. Remember the very beginning of that situation, which later turned out to be unbearable, difficult and (or) painful for you. If you dare to work on your own, and not with your psychologist or psychotherapist, it is better to take a piece of paper and simply write a detailed story about what and how happened to you in chronological order.
However, these will not be just memories in the usual sense of the word. I would ask you to be very attentive to yourself and note:
- what moments in your description no longer evoke any emotions in you;
- at what moments does your body overreact with tears, worry, fear, or even anger? It doesn’t matter what the emotion is, even if you can’t name it, but your body responds to the memory with any discomfort, note it for yourself. It is better to highlight these points with a marker.
As a result, at this step you should see with your own eyes not only at what moment certain emotions appeared, but also what stimulus caused them. It could be anything: someone’s word, a smell, a picture before your eyes, your own thought.
For example, one of my clients first felt an acute sense of helplessness when, in early childhood, she was strapped to a medical chair to have her tonsils cut out. This feeling came at the very moment when the doctor tightened the bandages. The feeling of stiffness in her hands haunted her most of her life. For some it was just an unpleasant operation, but for my client it turned into a psychological trauma that affected her entire subsequent life.
By and large, you need to find the very birth of the mental pain that is haunting you and determine what exactly caused this birth.
Step 2: Finding opportunities and ways to release ALL stuck feelings and states.
release heartache
In fact, this stage may take you from a few minutes to several weeks. Everything solely depends on your ability to express real experiences in the form of specific actions, deeds, words and emotions. I used the word “real” because sometimes pent-up emotions can transform into other states and feelings that a person notices in himself and focuses on them as negative. Thus, depression very often (not always!) hides aggression that is not expressed in an acceptable way, which you cannot immediately see behind an unhappy and depressed face.
At this stage, we will begin to explore our real original motives that are stuck in us. To do this, you need to return to your memory again. To the very beginning of the events that we have already begun to analyze. And I will ask you to begin to live this memory in your memory in chronological order, as you did in the first step. However, this time we will correct your memory a little. Every time you approach the most emotional moments of a difficult event, stop and think:
HOW WOULD I LIKE TO ANSWER? GO? DO? REACT?
And only when you decide on the answer, manifest this reaction in your imagination to the fullest extent possible. In the therapeutic process, I actively involve the body in the work. If a person wants to scream, he screams; if he wants to fight, he fights; if he wants to speak out, he speaks out. One rule works here: “how many painful, irritating stimuli come, the number of responses and reactions a person must give to these stimuli.” Quite meticulous and intensive work.
One of my clients was going through a difficult divorce. It's been a little over two years since her marriage ended, but she feels stuck in that time. She lived as if the divorce was still ongoing.
When we began working with her, we noticed that she obediently listened to a lot of negative statements and accusations addressed to her from her husband. Perhaps it was easier for him, but he blamed his wife entirely for the deplorable situation of their family. The fairly tortured woman was silent, cried, apologized, and promised to change. However, a huge storm of indignation was seething inside her. In fact, she had something to answer her husband. But the fear of being alone and the hope that everything could be fixed forced her to remain silent.
First of all, we decided that there really was no chance. More than two years have passed. The divorce took place officially and physically. They no longer live together. He left for another family. This means it makes sense to look at what is stuck in her soul and still inexorably worries her. At first timidly, then more and more boldly, the enormous pain of a woman living in deep loneliness in her own family fell upon me in the form of a stream of words. She managed to voice and express all the reproaches, comments, hopes, feelings, thoughts. Everything I wanted to say to my husband at that moment. And as soon as the last words disappeared into the air, silence fell. Take a deep breath and: “Now it seems to me that getting a divorce was first and foremost for me.” correct solution“... Is it worth noting that a completely different story began next?
I will share with you one more therapy, which for me at that time turned out to be one of the most difficult professionally and personally:
While still very young, the young man had the opportunity to encounter the tragic death of a loved one. He steadfastly survived the news of death, the funeral and the three years of subsequent life. Friends and family admired the endurance of his spirit. He turned to me as a specialist in psychosomatics. He was tormented by severe headaches, which only intensified over time. Medicines hardly helped.
We started by simply listening to the pain, which was spreading like thunder with increasing force and a characteristic crackling sound across the entire inner surface of the skull. The pain grew, throbbed and beat. It grew...pulsated and beat...When you listen to your illness, or rather the feeling that is associated with it, you certainly come to its beginning, to its peculiar origin on the timeline of our life history. There, in this place, maybe even in the very distant past, something is still happening, something in our inner world has not yet ended, and for some reason we have overlooked it. Illness turns our attention to the past so that we can help resolve what has come to an end.
Very quickly, in one of the first hypnosis sessions, a headache led young man to the only memory remaining in his consciousness of that tragic period of his life. Then, right after the familiar voice on the telephone, speaking about the girl’s death, he first felt a sharp blow inside his head. The thought flashed and thundered like bright lightning: “No! That's impossible!" And then the fog... fragments of thoughts about the need to pull himself together... And the memory receded, erasing behind it all the feelings and memories that could prevent him from controlling himself. Whenever a person stops natural physical or mental processes in himself, he pays an exorbitant price with his health and, ultimately, with his life.
Trauma is a natural process in which a person learns to cope with an unexpected, non-standard and difficult situation for him. My client, in order to look decent, was able to stop the mental pain. But even deeply hidden, it found loopholes and manifested itself in the form of a headache.
Three therapy sessions in a row with only one resounding “No!” sounded in my office. He fought back by punching the wall. It resulted in angry claims towards death and hatred towards all those who are still so carefree alive. Literally vomiting from the inside of a person came the refusal to accept such a blatant, absolutely incomprehensible injustice into one’s life. This hysteria continued for some time, until at one moment tears flowed... and immeasurable grief spilled out like a huge deep ocean before our eyes:
What should I do now? What should I do now? - the man cried quietly...
To be, my dear, to be... - a timid whisper echoed to the beat...
We worked together for a little over eight months. During this time, the headaches gradually went away, reconciling my client with reality, in which, unfortunately, there is a place for real losses.
This step on the path to healing trauma is the most difficult. I do not recommend anyone to go through it alone. But if you still decide, live your trauma competently in your inner world, adding to your memories all the nuances that I described above. I'm not actually asking you to change your memories. But I ask you to supplement them with all that hidden, unmanifested that was born and took place.. No matter how deep and great the trauma may be, it is only your part, your smaller part. You are always bigger, which means stronger.
heal mental wounds
My dear reader, sometimes it is not at all easy to live in this world. I only wish you never to close yourself off, not to despair and not to push away all those who are nearby, who love and are ready to help. Don't be ashamed or afraid to accept any help from friends and professionals. After all, if you don’t survive your pain today, you run the risk of realizing at the end of your life that you lived only through it, that you tasted and savored it all your way! Is the price too high? Isn't our life (and the lives of those connected to us) worth at least a little effort to resolve suffering, heal our hearts and ease our souls?! published